Que - Does that mean one should not avoid conflicts ?
Ans: If you avoid from talking the truth, your thoughts, your feelings, to avoid conflict, yes you are living with a war inside yourself, and that is an issue for you and others will never have a lesson to learn, because they will never know the complete truth.
Que - Conflict with oneself or others ?
With others. We fear conflict with others.
Not realizing, conflict within is far more dangerous...
Inner voice is you, your true voice of the heart, outer voice is what your Mind says, thinks, evaluates, analyses.
Conflict arising out of some unwanted imposition or obligation, needs to be opposed right?
If there is something you do not wish to do, and the other expects you to do without giving a rational reason, you have the free will to deny, and others have the free will to accept your wishes, fight you or never speak with you.
How to resolve and end the conflict with other individuals is a task too especially, when others act is based on conformational bias?
Resolving and ending a conflict is not your sole responsibility. Instead of focusing on the end result of a situation, do what you feel is intentionally right, be calm within, even while speaking firmly. If you lose yourself to fear and anger, take a break, come back and continue the conversation.
But then sometimes these choices give rise to pain for both sides, isn't it ?
Your pain is your responsibility , others pain, behavior and feelings are their responsibility.
If they are rigid of how you need to be or things needs to be done by you, their rigidity caused them pain, not your will.
Others pain , hurt us too, especially of our closed ones.... It's also a dillema then, isn't it ?
Ans: If you want to be hurt by something you have no control about, that is your choice. You have no control for how others needs to think or feel.
If by you feeling and being hurt, because someone else is hurt, can help someone feel less hurt, go ahead, all can remain in that Pain.
But we all know, Pain cannot reduce Pain. Only a sadistic person will actually like to see their loved ones feel the pain, they feel within.
A compassionate heart, likes to act with compassion and offer the same freedom to others, which they offer to their self.
Renuka Gupta, PhD, HART Founder